my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
what the fuck happened to the tacos
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
