its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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