My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
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