Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
