K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
