the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
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