The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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