The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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