i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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