Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Randomize
