"it" just moved
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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