apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Randomize
