i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
In America we eat man semen.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
