The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
