1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Randomize
