Old men and throwing up are my life now.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
