Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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