Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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