I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
If I die, sorry about rent.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
