I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
