I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
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