haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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