It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Randomize
