I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
She's the barista slut.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
