Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
