dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
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