If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
