Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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