I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
