Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
