yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Randomize
