I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
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