Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
