y did u give ur computer a hand job?
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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