I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
