Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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