I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
