High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
