Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
