I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
