1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
