you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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