I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
honey bunches of taint.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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