She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
