shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
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