it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
