I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
