Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
