i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
