Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Randomize
