so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
